This phenomenon is something I have noticed in numerous interviews, cases and negotiations I have reviewed or participated in recently. The phenomenon is simply this:
There are two parties involved in a dispute and one abides by the rules and the other side seems oblivious to any rules!
So, for example, can you imagine how much success you would have arguing or negotiation with a gangster (See Howie Carr’s Hitman), a Medillin Cartel member, or a suicide bomber?
These are extreme examples of a kind of “rules breaker.” But if on the other side there is the party that steadfastly complies with rules — court orders that require things to happen at a certain date and time, construction issues that require some type of permit, paying your taxes, environmental permits, etc., the rule breaker can win every time in the psychological warfare of negotiation.
How then can your negotiation have a level playing field?
What not to do:
You decide: “To hell with them, I’m going to break some rules!”
You will find that this backfires. That is simply because the one thing that people who regularly break the rules are very good at is complaining about how others break the rules! People that do break the rules have no problem hypocritically pointing out the horror of your indiscretions. (Usually with quite an attitude).
So you are now defending yourself about who is the party that least abides by the rules!
This becomes a diversion that the rule breakers love.
I have represented both by the way. The sorry fact is that rule breaking works… If you let it!
So here is my Tip:
Leave the rules out of it and think of your goals and objectives.
Also be reasonable in assessing the downside of violating a rule. It may not be the end of the world, but could have an negative impact but probably not to the degree that you think.
So often we have someone complying with the rules to their detriment while court delays or actions of parties cause them harm? Often those things are used in the “street fight” portion of your dispute. The side-show psychology of the contest where people want to gain an upper hand by filing a motion to score a point as if they are playing a video game. They do this at a large cost — legal fees — and not with an eye on the game plan or their ultimate goals and objectives.
The conscientious addiction to not breaking any rule or fear of bending a rule or even being mistaken about whether a rule applies to you plays perfectly into the hands of people who do not abide by any rules. So decide what your rules are and make your move consistent with an overall plan and a tough resolve to stomach some serious whining from the rule breaker.